THE GOLDEN GIRLS--PILOT
FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY
WRITTEN BY SUSAN HARRIS
DIRECTED BY JAY SANDRICH
PRODUCED BY PAUL JUNGER WITT AND TONY THOMAS
WITT/THOMAS/HARRIS PRODUCTIONS
FINAL DRAFT APRIL 12, 1985
CAST
DOROTHY
- BEA ARTHUR
ROSE
- BETTY WHITE
BLANCHE
- RUE McCLANAHAN
SOPHIA
- ESTELLE GETTY
COCO
- CHARLES LEVIN
HARRY
– not yet casted
MINISTER
- F. WILLIAM PARKER
COP
- MESHACH TAYLOR
ACT ONE
Scene 1:INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM ‑ EARLY EVENING
Scene 2: INT. BLANCHE'S BEDROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION
Scene 3: INT. LIVING ROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION
Scene 4: EXT. LANAI ‑ VERY LATE THAT NIGHT
Scene 5: INT. LIVING ROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION
ACT TWO
Scene 1: INT. LIVING ROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION
Scene 2: INT. BLANCHE'S BEDROOM ‑ SOME DAYS LATER
Scene 4: INT. LIVING ROOM ‑ A LITTLE WHILE LATER
Scene 5: EXT. LANAI ‑ THREE WEEKS LATER ‑ EVENING
THE GOLDEN GIRLS
ACT ONE / Scene 1
(FADE IN:)
INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM ‑ EARLY EVENING (DAY ONE)
(Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, Coco)
(DOROTHY ENTERS, CROSSES THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM, EXITS)
INT. KITCHEN
(COCO IS COOKING. DOROTHY ENTERS)
DOROTHY
I taught a class today -- the finest school in Dada County -‑ two girls had shaved heads and three boys had green hair.
COCO
They're expressing themselves.
DOROTHY
And I expressed myself. I told them to leave; they were too ugly to look at. Now the parents are mad. A father came in in a three piece suit and defended Tiffany, a bald girl with a nose ring.
(SHE LOOKS AT POT)
What is this?
COCO
Enchiladas Rancheros.
DOROTHY
Why don't you just shoot me.
(ROSE ENTERS)
ROSE
Hello.
COCO / DOROTHY
Hello, Rose.
ROSE
What a day. I had the saddest clients.
DOROTHY
Rose, you work at grief counseling.
What do you expect, comedians?
(ROSE THINKS A MINUTE)
ROSE
Well, they have grief. You think Bob Hope's happy when they don't laugh.
BLANCHE (0. S.)
Coco ‑
COCO
Yes, Blanche.
(BLANCHE ENTERS)
BLANCHE
Can I borrow your mink stole?
COCO
It's Miami in June. Only cats are wearing fur. Are you going out?
DOROTHY
No. she's going to sit here where it's a hundred and twelve degrees and eat enchiladas.
BLANCHE
I need some cucumbers to put on my eyes.
DOROTHY
You'll have trouble seeing, Blanche
BLANCHE
It's very good. It reduces puffiness.
ROSE
Does it work on thighs?
BLANCHE
I don't know. I don't need it on my thighs. (SHE EXITS)
ROSE
Who is she going out with?
COCO
Harry, again.
(COCO EXITS)
DOROTHY
Who is this Harry?
ROSE
All Blanche said was he still has his teeth and his hair.
DOROTHY
It's wonderful dating in Miami. All the single men under eighty are cocaine smugglers.
ROSE
I'd kill to be twenty again.
DOROTHY
I'd kill to be forty again. You know, I got the shock of my life today. I was in the teacher's lounge talking to some girls in their twenties. They were so pretty. At that age you don't even have to be pretty and you're pretty. Anyway, we were all talking and laughing together and I completely forgot I was older. I just became one of the girls. And I had such a good time, too. Then I got into my car and caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror and almost had a heart attack. This old woman was in the mirror; I didn't recognize her.
ROSE
Who was it?
DOROTHY
It was me.
ROSE
Oh.
DOROTHY
I had felt so young, so like those girls, that I was totally unprepared for my face.
(COCO ENTERS)
ROSE
I know. It's shocking. Every time I look down, I see my mother's legs.
COCO
My legs are exactly the way they were when I was sixteen. In fact, last week I got carded.
DOROTHY
During a blackout.
COCO
Who cares? What is young? What is anything? What is blonde? What is pretty? What is wrinkles? It all changes. Inside is what stays the same.
ROSE
Oh, Coco. That is so wise. That is poetry. Isn't it, Dorothy?
DOROTHY
Why don't you write it down, Rose.
(BLANCHE ENTERS)
DOROTHY
Blanche ‑‑ who is Harry?
BLANCHE
My beau. He's wonderful. He's a real gentleman. He's very gallant. He's a great dancer and he doesn't make noises when he chews.
DOROTHY
Chewing. That's way up there on my list. Comes right after intelligent.
BLANCHE
He doesn't talk loud at the movies, he doesn't take his pulse, and he's still interested.
ROSE
In what?
DOROTHY
If you have to ask, it doesn't matter anymore.
BLANCHE
And he proposed.
(BLANCHE EXITS)
ROSE
Blanche, wait a minute
(DOROTHY AND ROSE EXIT)
INT. LIVING. ROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS
(ROSE AND DOROTHY ENTER)
ROSE (CONT'D)
He proposed? You've only‑known him a week.
BLANCHE
And he wants an answer tonight.
ROSE / DOROTHY
Tonight?
DOROTHY
What are you going to tell him?
BLANCHE
I don't know. He's very wonderful, but I've only known him a week.
ROSE
That's right.
BLANCHE
But I also don't want to lose him, so I don' t know what I'll tell him. Now I've got to put on my face.
(BLANCHE EXITS)
ROSE
Dorothy, what if she marries him? What will happen to us? This house is hers.
DOROTHY
Then we'll move.
ROSE
We can't afford to buy a house. What do we have as collateral, a gay cook? Dorothy, we'll become bag ladies.
DOROTHY
Rose, come on.
(COCO ENTERS)
ROSE
Blanche is going to get married.
COCO
She is?
DOROTHY
She hasn't said that,
ROSE
And then you'll get married and Coco'll meet a decorator and I'll be alone.
DOROTHY
Rose, how can I get married? I don't even have a date.
COCO
God, the first home I've had since eighth grade and it's going to break up. I can't stand it.
ROSE
You haven't had a home since eighth grade?
COCO
When my parents found out I was gay, my mother had a heart attack and died. My father re‑married, moved
and never left me his address.
DOROTHY
No one is getting married, Coco. No home is breaking up. Let's go talk to Blanche.
(DOROTHY EXITS)
ROSE
You're quite a guy, Coco. You've had such a hard life and you can still call yourself gay.
(ROSE EXITS) (CUT TO:)
Scene 2,
INT. BLANCHE'S BEDROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION (DAY ONE)
(Blanche, Dorothy, Rose)
(BLANCHE SITS AT MAKE‑UP TABLE APPLYING MAKE‑UP. DOROTHY
KNOCKS)
DOROTHY (O. S.)
Blanche?
BLANCHE
Come in.
(DOROTHY ENTERS)
DOROTHY
Blanche, your friend Harry wants an answer tonight. What are you going to say?
BLANCHE
I haven't decided. I guess I'll know when I hear the words come out of my mouth.
DOROTHY
You'll know when you hear it come out of your mouth? This isn't a belch, Blanche; this is
marriage. My God, you've got more colors than Benjamin Moore paints.
ROSE
You shouldn't rush into anything, Blanche. You hardly know him.
BLANCHE
What do you think my husband George would think of me and Harry?
DOROTHY
If he was alive, he probably wouldn't like it. Since he's dead, I don't think it's a problem.
BLANCHE
I just want George to know that I'm happy, but that I'll never be as happy with Harry in the same way as I was with him.
ROSE
He knows that,, Blanche. He knows. The thoughts and feelings go straight to him. You can communicate directly from your heart. Right, Dorothy?
DOROTHY
Don't ask me. I can't get through to New Jersey with MCI.
SFX: DOORBELL RINGS
BLANCHE
Ohl God, he's early. I haven't finished my face.
DOROTHY
The only thing left is to dip it in bronze. We'll get it.
WRITTEN BY SUSAN HARRIS
DIRECTED BY JAY SANDRICH
PRODUCED BY PAUL JUNGER WITT AND TONY THOMAS
WITT/THOMAS/HARRIS PRODUCTIONS
FINAL DRAFT APRIL 12, 1985
CAST
DOROTHY
- BEA ARTHUR
ROSE
- BETTY WHITE
BLANCHE
- RUE McCLANAHAN
SOPHIA
- ESTELLE GETTY
COCO
- CHARLES LEVIN
HARRY
– not yet casted
MINISTER
- F. WILLIAM PARKER
COP
- MESHACH TAYLOR
ACT ONE
Scene 1:INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM ‑ EARLY EVENING
Scene 2: INT. BLANCHE'S BEDROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION
Scene 3: INT. LIVING ROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION
Scene 4: EXT. LANAI ‑ VERY LATE THAT NIGHT
Scene 5: INT. LIVING ROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION
ACT TWO
Scene 1: INT. LIVING ROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION
Scene 2: INT. BLANCHE'S BEDROOM ‑ SOME DAYS LATER
Scene 4: INT. LIVING ROOM ‑ A LITTLE WHILE LATER
Scene 5: EXT. LANAI ‑ THREE WEEKS LATER ‑ EVENING
THE GOLDEN GIRLS
ACT ONE / Scene 1
(FADE IN:)
INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM ‑ EARLY EVENING (DAY ONE)
(Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, Coco)
(DOROTHY ENTERS, CROSSES THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM, EXITS)
INT. KITCHEN
(COCO IS COOKING. DOROTHY ENTERS)
DOROTHY
I taught a class today -- the finest school in Dada County -‑ two girls had shaved heads and three boys had green hair.
COCO
They're expressing themselves.
DOROTHY
And I expressed myself. I told them to leave; they were too ugly to look at. Now the parents are mad. A father came in in a three piece suit and defended Tiffany, a bald girl with a nose ring.
(SHE LOOKS AT POT)
What is this?
COCO
Enchiladas Rancheros.
DOROTHY
Why don't you just shoot me.
(ROSE ENTERS)
ROSE
Hello.
COCO / DOROTHY
Hello, Rose.
ROSE
What a day. I had the saddest clients.
DOROTHY
Rose, you work at grief counseling.
What do you expect, comedians?
(ROSE THINKS A MINUTE)
ROSE
Well, they have grief. You think Bob Hope's happy when they don't laugh.
BLANCHE (0. S.)
Coco ‑
COCO
Yes, Blanche.
(BLANCHE ENTERS)
BLANCHE
Can I borrow your mink stole?
COCO
It's Miami in June. Only cats are wearing fur. Are you going out?
DOROTHY
No. she's going to sit here where it's a hundred and twelve degrees and eat enchiladas.
BLANCHE
I need some cucumbers to put on my eyes.
DOROTHY
You'll have trouble seeing, Blanche
BLANCHE
It's very good. It reduces puffiness.
ROSE
Does it work on thighs?
BLANCHE
I don't know. I don't need it on my thighs. (SHE EXITS)
ROSE
Who is she going out with?
COCO
Harry, again.
(COCO EXITS)
DOROTHY
Who is this Harry?
ROSE
All Blanche said was he still has his teeth and his hair.
DOROTHY
It's wonderful dating in Miami. All the single men under eighty are cocaine smugglers.
ROSE
I'd kill to be twenty again.
DOROTHY
I'd kill to be forty again. You know, I got the shock of my life today. I was in the teacher's lounge talking to some girls in their twenties. They were so pretty. At that age you don't even have to be pretty and you're pretty. Anyway, we were all talking and laughing together and I completely forgot I was older. I just became one of the girls. And I had such a good time, too. Then I got into my car and caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror and almost had a heart attack. This old woman was in the mirror; I didn't recognize her.
ROSE
Who was it?
DOROTHY
It was me.
ROSE
Oh.
DOROTHY
I had felt so young, so like those girls, that I was totally unprepared for my face.
(COCO ENTERS)
ROSE
I know. It's shocking. Every time I look down, I see my mother's legs.
COCO
My legs are exactly the way they were when I was sixteen. In fact, last week I got carded.
DOROTHY
During a blackout.
COCO
Who cares? What is young? What is anything? What is blonde? What is pretty? What is wrinkles? It all changes. Inside is what stays the same.
ROSE
Oh, Coco. That is so wise. That is poetry. Isn't it, Dorothy?
DOROTHY
Why don't you write it down, Rose.
(BLANCHE ENTERS)
DOROTHY
Blanche ‑‑ who is Harry?
BLANCHE
My beau. He's wonderful. He's a real gentleman. He's very gallant. He's a great dancer and he doesn't make noises when he chews.
DOROTHY
Chewing. That's way up there on my list. Comes right after intelligent.
BLANCHE
He doesn't talk loud at the movies, he doesn't take his pulse, and he's still interested.
ROSE
In what?
DOROTHY
If you have to ask, it doesn't matter anymore.
BLANCHE
And he proposed.
(BLANCHE EXITS)
ROSE
Blanche, wait a minute
(DOROTHY AND ROSE EXIT)
INT. LIVING. ROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS
(ROSE AND DOROTHY ENTER)
ROSE (CONT'D)
He proposed? You've only‑known him a week.
BLANCHE
And he wants an answer tonight.
ROSE / DOROTHY
Tonight?
DOROTHY
What are you going to tell him?
BLANCHE
I don't know. He's very wonderful, but I've only known him a week.
ROSE
That's right.
BLANCHE
But I also don't want to lose him, so I don' t know what I'll tell him. Now I've got to put on my face.
(BLANCHE EXITS)
ROSE
Dorothy, what if she marries him? What will happen to us? This house is hers.
DOROTHY
Then we'll move.
ROSE
We can't afford to buy a house. What do we have as collateral, a gay cook? Dorothy, we'll become bag ladies.
DOROTHY
Rose, come on.
(COCO ENTERS)
ROSE
Blanche is going to get married.
COCO
She is?
DOROTHY
She hasn't said that,
ROSE
And then you'll get married and Coco'll meet a decorator and I'll be alone.
DOROTHY
Rose, how can I get married? I don't even have a date.
COCO
God, the first home I've had since eighth grade and it's going to break up. I can't stand it.
ROSE
You haven't had a home since eighth grade?
COCO
When my parents found out I was gay, my mother had a heart attack and died. My father re‑married, moved
and never left me his address.
DOROTHY
No one is getting married, Coco. No home is breaking up. Let's go talk to Blanche.
(DOROTHY EXITS)
ROSE
You're quite a guy, Coco. You've had such a hard life and you can still call yourself gay.
(ROSE EXITS) (CUT TO:)
Scene 2,
INT. BLANCHE'S BEDROOM ‑ CONTINUOUS ACTION (DAY ONE)
(Blanche, Dorothy, Rose)
(BLANCHE SITS AT MAKE‑UP TABLE APPLYING MAKE‑UP. DOROTHY
KNOCKS)
DOROTHY (O. S.)
Blanche?
BLANCHE
Come in.
(DOROTHY ENTERS)
DOROTHY
Blanche, your friend Harry wants an answer tonight. What are you going to say?
BLANCHE
I haven't decided. I guess I'll know when I hear the words come out of my mouth.
DOROTHY
You'll know when you hear it come out of your mouth? This isn't a belch, Blanche; this is
marriage. My God, you've got more colors than Benjamin Moore paints.
ROSE
You shouldn't rush into anything, Blanche. You hardly know him.
BLANCHE
What do you think my husband George would think of me and Harry?
DOROTHY
If he was alive, he probably wouldn't like it. Since he's dead, I don't think it's a problem.
BLANCHE
I just want George to know that I'm happy, but that I'll never be as happy with Harry in the same way as I was with him.
ROSE
He knows that,, Blanche. He knows. The thoughts and feelings go straight to him. You can communicate directly from your heart. Right, Dorothy?
DOROTHY
Don't ask me. I can't get through to New Jersey with MCI.
SFX: DOORBELL RINGS
BLANCHE
Ohl God, he's early. I haven't finished my face.
DOROTHY
The only thing left is to dip it in bronze. We'll get it.
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