NIGHT COURT: Walk Away Renee

Night Court (1985) Harry Anderson, John Larroquette, Richard Moll. Bull knowingly falls in love with a prostitute.

Scene 1: In court, table, the lawyers are looking through them

HAROLD: Hey, Mac?

MAC: Yeah?

HAROLD: Bull’s been late 4 days straight, what’s going on?

MAC: Bull’s got himself a girlfriend.

DAN: Oh, really? Animal, vegetable or mineral?

BULL: (runs in) Hi, guys! Sorry, I’m late.

HAROLD: Bull, how about calling the court to order.

BULL: With pleasure, sir. (walks to the podium) All rise! Criminal court part two is now in session. The honorable, adorable, kind, compassionate Harold T. Stone presiding.

DAN: You may all be nauseated.

HAROLD: What’s this?

BULL: I wrote you a poem, sir.

HAROLD: A poem? (unfolds)

HAROLD: Da da da da da da da da da…

CHRISTINE: Oh, come on, read it to us, sir.

HAROLD: I did. (shows it) Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da…

MAC: At least it rhymes.

HAROLD: How about that first case, Mac?

MAC: Maybe we should wait until the aircraft makes its final approach.

BULL: (waving) Yoo-hoo! Renee!

RENEE: (waves) Hi.

BULL: (runs goofily)

DAN: My God, I think he’s going to kiss her.

BULL: (runs, picks her up and they kiss)

DAN: (makes a face) I was wrong, he’s going to swallow her.

BULL: Ha ha ha! How’s my little pork chop?

RENEE: Delicious!

HAROLD: I’ve never seen Bull so happy.

CHRISTINE: I’ve never seen Bull so alive.

FLORENCE: I’ve never seen Bull with a hooker. Course, I don’t get out much.


Scene 2: Bull and Renee hugging

HAROLD: Pork Chop is a hooker?

FLORENCE: (nods)

HAROLD: Are you sure?

FLORENCE: (nods) Positive. She put in so much time in holding at the Brooklyn Courthouse that we put her in the staff Christmas picture. (laughs)

CHRISTINE: No! It can’t be.

FLORENCE: I could call Brooklyn and get her file.

HAROLD: No, that would feel like we’re spying.

BULL: Here’s the signed blank checks you asked for, sugar bun.

HAROLD: Put a rush on it.

RENEE: (flips thru)


Scene 3: Court

HAROLD: That’s lunch everybody.

BULL: Sir, can Florence take this prisoner? I need to run down to the bank and cash in my I.R.A. I got my eye on a little snow blower I think Renee’s going to flip over.

CHRISTINE: Bull, your I.R.A. is for your retirement.

BULL: I’ll probably be killed in a prison break long before that.

FLORENCE: Imagine the neck muscles you need to hold up that much granite.

BULL: Sir?

HAROLD: Sure, Bull, go ahead.

DAN: Thar he spends!

CHRISTINE: You let him go? You’re just going to sit there while he cashes his life savings?

HAROLD: Well, come on, Miss Sullivan. We’re not even sure that she’s…

MAC: Still working horizontally? Afraid so. She got busted last week. Here’s her file.

CHRISTINE: Ok, ok, we have proof. Somebody has got to do something.

HAROLD: How do you tell 7 feet of unbridled emotion that the apple of his eye takes American Express?

CHRISTINE: Well, it has to come from a friend. (they look at Mac)

MAC: Uh-uh! No, I was the one who told him about the tooth fairy. Like to rip my lips off.


Scene 4: Renee smiling, eyes closed as Bull surprises her

BULL: Are your eyes closed?

RENEE: Yeah.

BULL: (pulls covers) Ta da! (motorcycle)

RENEE: Oh, Bull! What can I say?! Did you remember the optional maintenance guarantee.

BULL: You know I did. (give it to her)

RENEE: Oh!


Scene 5: A woman walks into court and covers Dan’s eyes

WOMAN: Surprise!

DAN: Sheila! (gets up)

SHEILA: Glad to see me?

DAN: Yes! Of course! But last time, I remember you said you wouldn’t—

SHEILA: Shhh… Don’t talk…just listen. Our last date was the most intense, erotic experience in my life… and I said we could never top it, but I’ve been doing more research… and I think it just might be possible… if you don’t mind taking a few risks.

DAN: (shakes head)

SHEILA: Good, I’ll pick you up after court.

BUM: Hey, you ok?

DAN: I think I’m starting to hyperventilate.

BUM: Here, breathe into this… and don’t worry about the socks in there.


Scene 6: Renee looking at her motorcycle.

RENEE: Oh, great.

CHRISTINE: Problem?

RENEE: I asked for whitewalls.

CHRISTINE: Oh, I thought maybe you wanted one that folded out into a bed.

RENEE: Who in he hell are you? And where can I get that shade of dye?

CHRISTINE: Look, Bull is a friend of mine, and I happen to care about him very much.

RENEE: Oh, that’s very nice, but I didn’t see your name on him anywhere and I’m very thorough.

CHRISTINE: My name happens to be Christine Sullivan, legal aide.

RENEE: Renee Carroll, hospitality engineer.

CHRISTINE: Listen I know who you are and I know what you are, so don’t think you can go hustling one of my friends.

RENEE: Meow! I’m going to get a cup of coffee. Can I get you a saucer of milk?

CHRISTINE: Listen, I’m warning you, I will tell him everything if I have to.

RENEE: Go ahead, tell him what I am, tell him that I’m after his money. You say you’re a friend of his, then you know. It’ll kill him.


Scene 7: Court with Harold

CHRISTINE: He gave the slut a motorcycle!

HAROLD: What slut and how many CC’s?

CHRISTINE: She admitted it, your honor. She as much as dared me to tell Bull that she was a prostitute and she was after his money.

HAROLD: And?

CHRISTINE: Well, I looked him right in the eye and chickened out.

BULL: Oh, hi, sir. Christine, I was just wondering if we had enough time left for me to run down to the tire store?

HAROLD: Bull, would you mind if we had a little chat first?

BULL: No, sir, I could listen to your feckless meandering all night. (sits)

HAROLD: Bull, it’s about Renee.

BULL: Yeah?

HAROLD: Read this.

BULL: Why don’t you just tell me?

HAROLD: Bull, Renee is a… she’s an…

DAN: For God sakes! Bull, the woman is a hooker!

BULL: (attacks him)


Scene 8: In the hall

MAC: We’re going to need a gross of pencils, 3 dozen typewriter ribbons…

[Dan screams]

[crash]

MAC: 6 pints of whole blood…


Scene 9: In the hall, smoke is coming out under the courtroom door

[banging]

MAC: (brings in cups of water) Here’s your coffee sir. Bull’s still at it, huh?

HAROLD: That was a major appliance, wasn’t it?

FLORENCE: A .44 caliber—it won’t stop him, but it should slow him down.

MAC: Oh, I just got off the phone with the hospital. They released Dan 20 min. ago.

FLORENCE: The big guy really nailed him, huh?

MAC: Bull didn’t really hit him. Dan flinched, fell backwards, bounced off the wall, tripped over a rug, and dented Harry’s refrigerator with his back.

[crash]

(Dan rolls thru, bandaged, in a wheelchair)

FLORENCE: So, that’s why they call him Dr. Strangelove.

CHRISTINE: Dan, are you all right?

DAN: I’m fine, I’ve got my friends, I’ve got my career, and an unlimited mileage rate.

[banging, door opens, Bull comes out]

BULL: All the fires are out.

HAROLD: Say, that is good news.

BULL: I figure, $5000 should cover it. (gives money)

MAC: (looks in) Oh, my dear God.

HAROLD: Is it that bad?

MAC: Did you see the Day After?

HAROLD: (looks in)


Scene 9: Bull is sitting on a table, Florence enters

FLORENCE: She really ripped your heart out, huh?

BULL: (nods)

FLORENCE: You want to talk about it?

BULL: (shakes head)

FLORENCE: You will eventually, and I’ll be there for you. (meets Renee) Fort Benning, Georgia, the 82nd Airborne Division said to say hello.

RENEE: Hey, baby, I missed you. (kisses him)

BULL: As much as all the other guys?

RENEE: Come on, you don’t think there’s another guy.

BULL: Does the name John ring a bell? You sleep with men for money.

RENEE: So, you figured it out. What are you going to do? You going to sic your judge friend on me?

BULL: Renee--

RENEE: What is he going to charge me with? Felony present-accepting? Well, I’m not going to give them back ‘cause I already hocked them.

BULL: That’s your business.

RENEE: That’s right, that is my business. My business is conning jerks like you.

BULL: Good bye, Renee.

RENEE: Wait a minute! I took you to the cleaners! You’ve been had, big boy. Don’t you get it?

BULL: Yeah, I do get it.

RENEE: Good, then go ahead and hit me. (offers her chin) Come on, I can take it. Go ahead! I been hit before.

BULL: I feel sorry for you.

RENEE: I said hit me, Bozo.

BULL: I see people like you every day. They take and take because they never fill up inside.

RENEE: Why don’t you get angry with me?!

BULL: Oh, I’m angry all right.

RENEE: See?

BULL: I’m angry at all those people that hurt you because they hurt you real bad, and it makes me sad to think about the other Renee—the one that never had a chance… the one I fell in love with. (waves) Bye.

RENEE: That’s it?

BULL: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot (scoops up a gift and gives it to her) Happy anniversary. Would have been 2 weeks tonight.

RENEE: (opens it, reveals a red gown)


Scene 10: Court, Mac brings in a paper bag

MAC: Sir.

HAROLD: What’s that?

MAC: Your couch.

HAROLD: I guess reupholstering is out of the question.

MAC: Uh-huh.

BULL: You want the next case, sir?

HAROLD: Bull, are you okay?

BULL: Sir, life may be filled with pitfalls and uncertainty… but from adversity comes strength.

HAROLD: Who said that?

BULL: It’s me, sir. Bull!

BUM: Holy cow!

RENEE: (enters in red gown)

BUM: That is a bold fashion statement!

RENEE: (walks to the court) Your honor, may I address the court?

Listen, I—I don’t—

RENEE: I… am a hooker.

BULL: Renee, don’t

RENEE: You see, I degrade myself for money because… I don’t like myself very much.

BULL: Please.

RENEE: No, that’s not entirely true. I don’t like myself at all. And this man… (points to Bull) made me feel like a princess. Do you know why? You know why? Well, I don’t know why either. Can somebody please tell me why? (cries and falls to the floor)

BULL: Ok, ok, it’s going to be ok.

HAROLD: Just call it a night.

MAC: Right.

FLORENCE: I’ll get her some water.

HAROLD: Thanks Flo. (runs to them) Everything under control, Bull? Right, I’ve been meaning to go in for that brain scan. All right folks, show’s over.

CHRISTINE: Why did she have to do this? Now I feel sorry for her.

HAROLD: Let’s take her in my office. Maybe I’ll get one for Christmas.

BULL: Ok, now… take a deep breath.

RENEE: (inhales)

BULL: Feel any better?

RENEE: I feel dizzy and nauseous.

Reality does that to you sometimes.

RENEE: I don’t even know why I came here, but I knew I just had to.

BULL: I think it had something to do with self-respect. You had an attack of dignity. Hopefully, it’s chronic.

HAROLD: Should we call a doctor?

RENEE: Good idea.

BULL: You’re hurt?

RENEE: No, I would like somebody to take an x-ray of you to tell me what you are because no man can be that compassionate.

HAROLD: You’re wrong there, Renee. He’s a man all right. Admittedly, there aren’t many around who are as special as he is, but there are a few, and if we’re lucky, if we’re very, very lucky, one crosses our path in a lifetime.

BULL: Are we talking about the film Gandhi?

HAROLD: Some of them are cute, too.

BULL: Come on now, upsy daisy.

RENEE: I feel so embarrassed.

BULL: Oh, forget it. You know something? It’s not what other people think that counts. It’s how we feel about ourselves.

RENEE: You make me feel beautiful.

BULL: Yeah, well, red’s your color. It’s not the dress, I know, but if I hear one more compliment, I think I’m going to throw up. Hey, that reminds me, I’m hungry. How about you?

RENEE: Yeah, I could use a bite.

BULL: Great, I know this quaint little all –you-can-eat liver joint down the block.

RENEE: If you’ll be there, then it’s going to be wonderful.

BULL: (offers his arm and they walk off, smiling, together)

CHRISTINE: He is one special man.

HAROLD: Yeah, he is. Come on, I know a quaint little all you can eat kelp bar next to the liver joint. (he offers his arm and they walk off, smiling together)

SHEILA: (enters) Dan. It’s time.

DAN: Huh, Sheila, about the wheelchair…

SHEILA: Shh, you’re talking again, Dan. By the way, 3 of my friends from Sweden will be joining us. I’m afraid they’re not very bright. I hope you don’t mind. (Dan shakes his head) Good. The hotel address is on the key. We’ll be waiting for you in the marquis de Sade suite. Bite. Don’t be late… or we’ll have to start without you.

DAN: (to Christine and Harold) Light a candle for me. (rolls off) Uh, could you give me a hand please?

(They clap) Bravo! Encore!

No really, come on, I’m serious.

HAROLD: Come on, gang, kelp’s on me.

DAN: Wait, no, no, wait!

FLORENCE: We would, we want to, we did.

DAN: Flo, Flo. Phil! Phil! Come here, come here! Hurry up! Look, they are waiting, you have to help me out.

BUM: Sure, pal. (takes the key and leaves) I’ll do my best!

DAN: Phil!